In many ways, I feel like the least qualified person to talk to you about optimism. Perhaps that’s why it is important that I speak to you about it.
I am NOT an optimist.
Well… until now I have never been this happy for this long. How long is that? Well. Been since about April of ’17
Recently I find myself somewhat patiently waiting for life to throw a few more curveballs at me, but maybe I’ve had my fill of negativity for this lifetime. I’ve learned much in the past few years on how to manage my feelings.
My favorite thing to do lately is to meet new people. Have new experiences. Share my story, as horrible or lame as I feel it is sometimes. But that’s the old me talking. I actually like telling my story. Engaging with strangers is lots of fun.
I’ve taken my share of “stay-cations” in my house, a horrible word I learned at Fred Meyer. It meant you were too tired to take an ACTUAL vacation, so instead you putz around your home and just don’t go to work. In our hyper-connected society (that seems to compound with every year), that can play horrible games with our psyche.
I used to think stay-cations were all I wanted. I would wake up in the morning with a cup of coffee, perhaps throw some Kahlúa or Bailey’s Irish Cream in my cup and play some Dota 2. I could play games with my roommates, or friends anywhere in the world. (just kidding, mostly NW punks due to Seattle servers). Why would I want to spend time TRAVELING, and packing/unpacking? Honestly, it sounded way too tiresome, and not my cup of tea (or joe).
Don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy waking up to a game of Dota 2 with my coffee on the weekends. It replaced the cigarette I used to enjoy my morning coffee with. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.
I’m now less of a pessimist than I have been in my entire life.
I think I’ve finally found peace. I think I’ve finally found that point in life my mother told me I should be at before I try to date anyone. She told me I should be just as comfortable spending time with my self, as I would feel spending time with others. Which is kind of a misnomer. I think as humans we need one another to find love and happiness. But to show and share that love we need to be understanding of who we are, and its so easy to get lost.
I love my self.
I don’t want to be selfish. I want to live for other people.
Daily this makes me happy and satisfied.
I have 0 complaints.
Almost every single day.
It is Amazing.